Okay so we talked a little bit in the last post about what happens if you aren’t in alignment with your values, and at the end I basically said either you can change your behavior or you can change your value. So today we’re gonna talk about when you know it’s time to change your values.
There are two questions I want you to ask yourself:
- Is the value in question about loving and showing compassion to others?
- Is the value in question about making the world a better place?
If your answer to either of those questions is yes, keep the value and change the behavior. You won’t always be able to change it right away (for example if you have a job that makes the world worse and you want to leave) but taking steps towards doing the right thing will definitely help you to start feeling better right away. Taking corrective action helps us move from that bad shame space to that better guilt space.
If you have two values that are in conflict with each other – which happens ALL the time – those same two questions can help you decide which value is the better one to follow at that particular time.
Okay so those are the areas where I believe that you need to change your behavior and trust the value. If your value doesn’t align with either of those (which it doesn’t have to – a value like “financial security is important to me” is a good value to have that doesn’t fulfill either of the first two questions), then let’s look at some other questions. In the below situations, I would argue that it’s probably better to change the value.
- Does this value teach me to hate other people or think they are less than me?
- Does this value categorize people into others vs me?
- Is this a value I only believe in because that’s how I was raised? Have I ever thought critically about why I believe this value?
- Does this value help me at the expense of other people?
- Is the information this value is based on factually inaccurate? Have I done enough research from unbiased sources to make sure I’m certain of the facts?
You want values that support your happiness. I can guarantee that values that teach you to hate other people will only serve to make you miserable. It doesn’t matter which side of the political spectrum you are on, it is VERY hard to find ways to have compassion for the other side. Challenge yourself. Are you putting more hatred into the world? Or are you looking for connection and understanding, no matter how difficult that may seem?